All She wants 4 Christmas Is Jews...

Tags: Celebrity,Music,Comedy

This is so ACCURATE and FUNNY
Marc Shaiman, Jack Black, Margaret Cho & More

Tags: 700m,Politics,Comedy,GODIAN

If U Like it then u shoulda put Your Lips On It

Tags: Comedy,HIPOP,Music

The box office king this weekend was a lil dog...(click here for wallpapers)


The underdog in limited release, Bill Maher's documentary "Religulous" opened well, placing No. 10 with $3.5 million in 502 theaters, averaging $6,972. The Lionsgate release follows Maher as he travels the world to mock one of his favorite topics, organized religion. This per screen average ACTUALLY PLACES THE MOVIE AT #3 for the weekend. Out-shining 7 major release films with much bigger backing. Seems to be a thirst for TRUTH and KNOWLEDGE.

By comparison, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" averaged $9,020 in 3,215 theaters; "Nick and Norah" pulled in $4,957 in 2,421 locations; "Appaloosa" did $4,799 in 1,045 cinemas; "An American Carol" took in $2,325 in 1,639 sites; and "Flash of Genius" did $2,120 in 1,098 theaters.


1. "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," $29 million.

2. "Eagle Eye," $17.7 million.

3. "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist," $12 million.

4. "Nights in Rodanthe," $7.4 million.

5. "Appaloosa," $5 million.

6. "Lakeview Terrace," $4.5 million.

7. "Burn After Reading," $4.08 million.

8. "Fireproof," $4.07 million.

9. "An American Carol," $3.8 million.

10. Religulous, $3.5 million.

Tags: Movies,Comedy,Politics

RELIGULOUS
...opens friday oct 3 watch the trailer here

Tags: Movies,Comedy,Politics,GODIAN

Tags: Photography,Comedy,GAYETY,Sports

MADONNA’s VOGUE...McCain Style

Tags: Politics,Comedy,Balls

BRITNEY’s REAL VOICE...

Tags: Comedy,Pop,Movies

The advertising campaign promoting Microsoft has hit a new low. And no, we don't mean another pointless, rambling commercial about nothing. According to metadata dug up by Flickr user LuisDS, the "I'm a PC" ad campaign images were made on a Macintosh. What's that sound? It's the sound of a million Mac users, laughing.

So how should Apple respond?
- Ignore it as being beneath their attention, like the Zune.


ALSO THOUGHT THIS WAS FUNNY...
the new PC ADS MAKING FUN OF THE MAC ADS GET A FIX...

Tags: iPhone/MAC,Comedy

Levi's joining to defeat Calif. gay marriage ban
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) | Sep 26, 9:49 AM

Levi Strauss & Co. is putting its famous pockets behind defeating a ballot initiative that would outlaw same-sex marriage in California.

The San Francisco-based jeans maker said Thursday it will co-chair with Pacific Gas & Electric a group trying to drum up opposition to Proposition 8 in the business community.

Chief Executive Officer John Anderson said the move is consistent with Levi's long history of supporting civil rights causes.

The company ended racial segregation of its California factories in the 1940s and was the first Fortune 500 company to offer health benefits to the domestic partners of its unmarried employees.

In July, PG&E donated $250,000 to the campaign to defeat the gay marriage ban and announced it hoped to persuade other corporations to do the same. Because PG&E is a public utility, though, taking a controversial political stand is less risky for the company than it might be for businesses with greater competition.

Levi Strauss has pledged $25,000 to Equality for All, the coalition leading the No on 8 campaign, says company spokesman E.J. Bernacki. Robert Haas, the company's chairman emeritus, and his wife have given $100,000, Bernacki said.

Two labor unions, the California Council of Service Employees and the California Teachers Association, each have given $250,000. Telecommunications company AT&T has given $25,000.

The referendum seeks to amend the state constitution to overturn the May state Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage here. The amendment's sponsors so far have raised more money in the race than its opponents, who hope that recent $100,000 contributions from actor Brad Pitt and director Steven Spielberg will motivate Hollywood celebrities and moguls to give.

Also Thursday, a Southern California-based business advocacy group came out against Proposition 8. The board of the Valley Industry and Commerce Association, which represents businesses in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles voted "by a significant margin" to oppose the measure, said President Stuart Waldman.

While a few board members argued against VICA taking a stand, maintaining that Proposition 8 was not a business issue, many more directors said it would cost them money and talented workers if the amendment passed, Waldman said.

"The most eloquent argument we got from an employer is they spend so much on human resources dealing with different benefits under domestic partnership rules versus married employees," he said.

unrelated but hysterical
FREE LEVI.org
a new website from Bill Maher hoping to FREE LEVI from the grips of hypocrisy, the rpublican party and the Palin family.

Tags: Politics,Comedy,GODIAN

Leigh Bowery, Michael Alig, James St James and Amanda Lepore...wow, flashback.

Tags: Pop,Comedy,GAYETY,NYC

A sequel with no purpose other than to be Very Gay and Very Silly...c it now!!!!
btw, big ups to some friends in the Film,
Lady Bunny, Donovan, Jonathan, Daisy D, Amanda Lepore & Ru Paul...
I just saw and there are a couple of moments that are 2 funny...
...also a couple of gross moments...note to director, could have done without ;
the superglue sequence and the throw up sequence...

Tags: Comedy,Movies

Tags: Comedy

WAIT FOR IT, I know you may not like the song
but this VIDEO IS CRAZY...watch, be patient...POETIC (in a disgustingly obvious way)

Tags: Comedy,GODIAN,Music,Pop,Poetry

Tags: Comedy

y’all know i don’t eat meat, but this is quite funny...

Tags: Comedy,Food

This just shows how long Poppin has been around....Long before the Breakin Movie...
the fact that DOM is in that outfit playing clown makes it even sillier (s that a word) lol

Tags: Comedy

Call Me now, i haven’t heard from u in the longest....

631-960-7178


actually this is not my number....but u need to send this to anyone with Halitosis

Tags: Comedy

I think we agree, the past is over.
George W Bush

I think there is a Trojan horse lurking in the weeds trying to pull a fast one on the American people.
George W Bush

I think war is a dangerous place.
George W Bush

I understand small business growth. I was one.
George W Bush

Tags: Quotes,Comedy,Politics

FIRST, THE PROPER WAY TO DO A SHOT!

NOW, YOUR HUNGRY SO MAKE A SANDWICH
(warning this is really stupid, which is why it’s funny)
also really funny if you’ve been up 4 two days lol

Tags: Comedy,80's

Step1

No, really u have to take the WHOLE trip?

laughter’s contageous

Tags: Comedy

Tags: Comedy

I told u, stop requesting Dutty Wine....Somebody gonna get hurt,
no look what ya done did...

Tags: Comedy

Whats all this “NO HOMO” shit?
If you need to say NO HOMO, U probably are...i do not agree with CAMRONS take on it. because even if it’s not about somebody being gay but someone saying something gay its still so GAY of you, lol. PS, how does one thats not a homo really know what is homo...and we didn’t forget bout your pink suits Camron (no homo, right....)
While were on it, the guys who dis him, D-BLOCK and DiPLOMATS talkin so much shia and walkin around doing the GAYEST THING OF THE LAST 10 YEARS, the Hip Hop Fashion of SAGGING.
The funniest thing about these “Straight Hard Thug’s” wearing their jeans this way is 3 fold.
1. If you really gangsta you would know enough that you may need to run from popo sometime and ya jeans being half off would slow that exposed ass down,
2. Most people, think rappers started the trend of baggy jeans and pants falling and hanging off your waist, but Judge Greg Mathis says that's not the case. According to his Honor, this trend started in prison as a result of inmates not being allowed to wear belts. Because their pants would hang and sag, this style came to be known as saggin'. When these young men would be released back into society, they brought saggin' with them and other young black males in the neighborhood copied the style as something that says macho or cool. This is a prison thing, young man, is this something you want to identify yourself with? Do you want to be like criminals? That's what saggin' reflects! Judge Mathis went on to say embracing prison practices creates a prison mentality. Case in point, I saw one young black man at the festival with pants down below his waist and a chrome replica of a .45-caliber pistol on the front of his jeans. What message is that symbol sending about him and what does it say about how he sees himself? Rappers made saggin' popular and somewhat mainstream with our youth as well as with whites, Asians and Latinos, but what rappers didn't do was start this trend. Prisoners did, and that's who our young men are imitating by wearing their pants the way they do.
3. It has often been argued that showing your boxers in jail has a very particular meaning. "You're letting another man know that you're available," It seems that the only reason you would expose your ass on the street, is because you want someone or something in your ass. So if your selling your ass in this way to a “GIRL” because your “STRAIGHT”, what’s she gonna do with it? Seems very DL, no?

That shia is seriously GAY and i mean GAY how straight people say Gay when they are being shady, not Gay like “i am a Homo Gay”.
So this new fad of NO HOMO is just another way to discriminate against Gays and make fun of em...
This Shia is NOT meant as kind to “HOMO’s” although i do like the ideas thrown out in one of these below...lol...(which one, hmmm) ...
Im not saying loking at saggers aint cute, just saying, if u think about it, its STUPID.

NO HOMO is more stupid than funny... which would make it hella STRAIGHT, as in, “I made another No Homo Video for YOUtube today, but i called NO STRAIGHT, so it’s o.k.””







Ok, i need to lighten up,



SATISFACTION?


Last word...
TAKE IT LIKE A woMAN


Ok, One More Word,
If you keep wearing ya jeans past yo ass its gonna drive ya crazy. If you don’t believe me, just ask the very first man who ever rocked that style PRESIDENT CHARLEY seen below

Tags: Politics,Comedy

No Truer words were ever spoken...lol...I NEED DIKES...
This seen is a whos who of NYC’s Finest (alongside dustin hoffman in a terribly depressing film)
Seen here, Jackie beat, Mona Foot aka Nashom from THE ONES, Joey Arias, Raven O, etc etc etc....

Tags: Comedy

In Honor of my friend Shequida making int the Semi Finals (TOP 40) of AMERICAS GOT TALENT
here’s a little flashback from the old days....lol

i did a remix for her several years ago called CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN...
you can BUY IT HERE on the 54MP3 CD...

Tags: Comedy

Tags: Comedy

And while were on fastfood, Eating McDonald’s will make u crazy....

Tags: Comedy

Tags: Comedy

Tags: Comedy,Politics

Tags: Comedy

Ok, after the Barbie one, i had to watch their channel on youTuube...i wanna know how they know this song
(i got the 12&rdquo but that’s another story....One of my favorite’s from the 80’s....

TRIBUTE

ORIGINAL

Tags: Comedy,80's

Tags: Comedy,Music

Tags: Politics,Comedy

Vintage LINA


More Vintage Lina, but u gotta fast forward for her and Kevin Aviance

Tags: Comedy

-from Charlene on the Nick At Night Show...Designing Women

“I asked this Northern woman, ‘Where y’all from?’ And she said, ‘I’m from a place where we don’t end sentences with prepositions.’ So I said ‘OK, where y’all from, bitch?’”

Tags: Quotes,Comedy

He’s not “family,” but Emmy-winning Family Guy and American Dad creator Seth MacFarlane consistently packs his irreverent animated sitcoms with queer gags and subplots, even devoting entire episodes to hot-button gay issues such as marriage and adoption rights. With his sexy baritone (similar to Family Guy’s alcoholic dog Brian, just one of the many colorful characters he voices himself), the 34-year-old devoted Democrat drew us in to discuss what makes homosexuality so damn funny, and—step aside, Dumbledore—out one of his most popular characters as “almost certainly gay.”
By Brandon Voss
From The Advocate Magazine

I hope you’re prepared for my very gay line of questioning. I spent half the holidays with my gay cousin, so I think I’m good to go.
How did your cousin inform your views on homosexuality?We went to see him in a show when he was in high school or college, and I remember my parents talking about the fact that he might be gay and just doesn’t know it yet. It turned out that they were right. With certain parts of our family, it was taken for granted—“Oh, he’s gay”—and we didn’t think any more of it. Other parts of the family were, at times, less enlightened about it. At one point somebody said, “Maybe there’s a way for him to be cured,” which was fucking horrifying to hear from somebody that you love. But I credit my parents for raising me to be a logical person. I went to a very conservative boarding school called Kent with a lot of Republican students from very wealthy families, and a lot of times that does come with an unfortunate amount of negative traditionalism. I certainly remember hearing students use the word “fag” and whatnot, but it didn’t really register with me just because I hadn’t been directly exposed to any openly gay people yet. But then when I was, it was nice to find out that my brain was already set up the right way, so I didn’t give a shit.
Were you ever mistaken for gay, perhaps due in part to your longtime love of musical theater?Oh God, yeah. Big deal.
Did that ever cramp your style romantically?No. If anything, it would’ve helped. Hot chicks love gay guys.
What inspired Family Guy’s season 4 gay marriage episode “You May Now Kiss the…Uh…Guy Who Receives,” in which Brian’s flamboyant cousin Jasper visits with his Filipino boyfriend?A couple of years prior I had teamed up to write a pilot with two writers, both of whom were gay. One of them said that when he travels through the Midwest with his partner they have to go through this fucking dog and pony act when they stop at a hotel and the guy behind the counter says, “You want one room or two?” They have this charade where they’ll say to each other, “Is one room OK with you?” “Yeah, I’m cool with that if you are.” “Yeah, no big deal, we’ll just take one.” That was one of many conversations I had with them where I thought to myself, Why is it that Johnny Spaghetti Stain in fucking Georgia can knock a woman up, legally be married to her, and then beat the shit out of her, but these two intelligent, sophisticated writers who have been together for 20 years can’t get married? It’s infuriating and idiotic. I’m incredibly passionate about my support for the gay community and what they’re dealing with at this current point in time. I have arguments with people where I get red in the face, screaming at the top of my lungs.
According to DVD commentary, [your “standards and practices” legal department] had you say that an antigay propaganda video shown in the episode was made by “Pat Robertson Industries” to ensure that Fox wouldn’t be called homophobic. Are they always so paranoid when it comes to gay issues?It just depends. Religion is a lot more sensitive on a weekly basis to standards and practices than anything, which pisses me off. I was surprised that we were forced to add that Pat Robertson thing, because you had this unbelievably radical antigay film—obviously it was something we were making fun of. I thought, Aren’t people smart enough to know better?
The Parents Television Council voted the episode, along with many others, “Worst TV Show of the Week.” Do you appreciate that honor?Oh, yeah. That’s like getting hate mail from Hitler. They’re literally terrible human beings. I’ve read their newsletter, I’ve visited their website, and they’re just rotten to the core. For an organization that prides itself on Christian values—I mean, I’m an atheist, so what do I know?—they spend their entire day hating people. They can all suck my dick as far as I’m concerned.
Using the news anchor couple Greg and Terry you’ve also tackled LGBT issues on American Dad, most recently in the adoption episode “Surro-Gate.” Do you think you’re influencing viewer opinion?I certainly hope that we’re doing a small part to advance progress in that area. But there are some bits that we do on Family Guy and American Dad that are just pure comedy which I hope are not influencing people. 
Which character do gay fans respond to the most? Generally they respond to Stewie, because he’s arguably the most complex character. He originally began as this diabolical villain, but then we delved into the idea of his confused sexuality. We all feel that Stewie is almost certainly gay, and he’s in the process of figuring it out for himself. We haven’t ever really locked into it because we get a lot of good jokes from both sides, but we treat him oftentimes as if we were writing a gay character.
Is it odd how much people care about this cartoon baby’s sexuality? Yeah. We’ve had letters from homophobic fans in the past, and I sort of relish the idea of saying, “Yeah, well, you know what? Your favorite character, Stewie, is gay.”
Why did you base the voice of American Dad’s effete alien on Paul Lynde? I’ve always been a huge fan of his. It’s just a voice and characterization that I’ve always found so hysterically funny and just so unabashed. There’s an old Hanna-Barbera tradition of using character actors from the ’50s and ’60s as springboards for animated cartoon voices. No one had really touched Paul Lynde, and he seemed like such an obvious choice. They just re-released that Paul Lynde Halloween special and I picked up a copy. You just can’t take your eyes off the guy.
What makes homosexuality such a ripe source for humor? You know, that’s a very good question. There are obviously many different types of gay personalities, but what’s funny to me is when a gay character expresses mischievous guilt about something in which there are no stakes, like, “Ew, I’m going to watch one more episode of Sex and the City—don’t tell anybody!”
What are your favorite gay stereotypes? Certainly the singsong stereotype—you know, the guy who makes a joke and then has to say, [singsong] “Kidding!” We didn’t end up doing this with Greg and Terry because we thought they would be funnier taking the form that they do, but I’m always amused when there’s a gay couple and one is clearly the husband and one is clearly the wife. But there’s so many more, and I’m sure we’ll discover some new ones as we go along.
From Family Guy’s gay marriage episode title to Greg and Terry’s “pitcher” and “catcher” license plates, there also seems to be a fascination with the idea of tops versus bottoms. I’m not quite sure, but it is a source of comedy. It’s as if there’s paperwork involved before the sex can take place.
Unfortunately, gay groups haven’t always gotten the joke, like the controversial 2005 Family Guy bit in which Peter’s barbershop quartet informs a man that he has “full-blown AIDS.” Yeah, that was one that caused a lot of upset. But the strange thing is that never once in that gag did we say this was a gay guy. I heard from several people, “Well, he had a goatee, so he must be gay.” I’m like, “What? I had a goatee at one point!” On top of that, with most of the gags where it seems like we’re taking a potshot at black people, Asian people, Jewish people, or gay people, the joke is that Peter is an idiot. The character is Archie Bunker without the knowledge of what he’s doing. He has the mind of a child, basically, and a source of big laughs is when he doesn’t realize he’s doing something inappropriate. So that gag sort of took it to the next level. If you have to break terrible news to somebody, what’s the most sugarcoated, upbeat way to do it? We thought, A barbershop quartet might be nice.
Do you have gays on staff with whom to consult on gay content? One of our broadcast standards people—the censors—is gay, and I’ve had many, many conversations with him about a lot of these issues, making sure that we’re handling it in the right way. We have a few artists who are gay, and actually two of our executive producers are gay—I wonder if I’m allowed to say that in the press. [Laughs] For the first three seasons of Family Guy we had a gay writer who was really instrumental in building the relationship between Brian and Stewie that we kind of take for granted now. That’s something I didn’t really think of when I created the show, but it emerged in the writers’ room, particularly out of the pen of this one writer who really had a knack for those characters and opened the door for us to explore that facet of Stewie’s personality.
In American Dad’s season 2 Log Cabin Republicans episode “Lincoln Lover,” Stan makes a statement that “Gays are the new blacks.” Do you think that’s true? That’s a joke line, but in some ways, yes—to a less intense extent. You’re not dealing with things like segregated drinking fountains, but the fundamental civil rights issues are the same. I get particularly angry when I hear a black pundit speaking out against the gays. My thought is, Well, wait a minute, you fucker. You got yours and you’re denying them theirs? You of all people should understand what they’re going through. It just burns my blood.
Did your recent donation to Barack Obama’s campaign have anything to do with his stance on gay issues?It’s funny, but lately I’m leaning more toward [John] Edwards.
What? Aren’t you concerned about pissing off Oprah? I think I can handle that. Hey, a man can change his mind. It’s interesting that flip-flopping is considered a negative thing in politics. I’ve never understood that. I take the Bill Maher point of view: Give me the guy who can change his mind when presented with new information.
In the gay world, flip-flopping is considered a positive. [Laughs] Well, there ya go.
How do you feel about the young straight community’s cavalier use of the word “gay” to describe stupidity or weakness?I’ve used that term, but it’s like a homonym—no pun intended. Like the word “fag” is a derogatory term but also a British cigarette. There’s that whole George Carlin routine where he talks about the word “nigger.” He says that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that word—it’s the racist asshole using it that you gotta be worried about. Unless they’re hiding it well, there’s nobody on our staff who’s bigoted or homophobic. We’re all very progressive, and as a result we feel comfortable making jokes. We know what our own beliefs are, so no matter what we do it can’t possibly come from a negative place.
You’ve called Fox’s decision to air unfinished Family Guy episodes without your final approval during the writers’ strike “a colossal dick move.” How will you heal from that? Ultimately there will have to be some sort of reconciliation. When the strike is over we have to dry the tears pretty quickly and get back to work. It’s not like I’m going to be turning my nose in the air when I pass one of the bigwigs in the hall. Nothing’s to be gained from that. But the longer it goes on the more I perceive it as a handful of very rich well-dressed white men not wanting to give up a few hours on their private jets. The people at the top of the financial food chain have to give up a little bit—and by a little bit I mean a little bit.
What can we expect from the as yet unscheduled episode titled “Family Gay”? That has to do with Peter being injected with the gay gene as part of a scientific experiment to determine whether or not it’s a learned trait or something that you’re born with. The good news is that at the end of the episode we establish that it’s the latter. Basically, Peter’s in a gay relationship for an episode and winds up in one of those straight camps.
If you inexplicably woke up gay tomorrow, what would be your first order of business? I would seek out Justin Timberlake and get him to admit it.
If a house party full of America’s gay celebrities literally burst into flames, which one would you run in to save first?John Travolta. But if he’s not there for some reason, how about David Hyde Pierce? I’m acquainted with him and he’s a good man. And if we ever did a Family Guy Broadway musical, we would need him to play Stewie.

Tags: Tv,Comedy

Bunny, Lahoma, RuPaul....

Tags: Comedy

Lady Bunny, Lahoma...You’re killin me...lol

Tags: Comedy

Jackie Beat is a friend of mine from NYC...then LA, then, well she travels....and u will c why...so many You tube video’s for your entertainment....
u will laugh, u will cry, ok maybe u’ll just laugh....

BABY GOT FRONT


SANTA BABY


FILTHY WHORE


++Why Lady Bunny needs a TV show also


+++why nobody watches MAD anymore...

Tags: Comedy,Music

Amanda Lepore has been New York City´s IT girl since the early 1990's. She originates from New Jersey. She had her first cosmetic surgery at the age of 15 and then had a sex change in her final year of high school. Once a married suburban housewife, she fled her failing marriage for the bright lights and exciting scene of NYC.
She soon became a fashion icon and she appeared on the pages of "Project X" magazine. Amanda would later go on to become muse and model for photographer David LaChapelle appearing in his books, television commercials and other international photo shoots. Aside from being a talented model Amanda has mastered the art of self styling. Her signature looks are the epitome of Hollywood bombshell glamour. Her talent to transform herself from character to the next has made her one of the most sought after and photographed club celebrities internationally.
Her debut singles "Champagne", and "My Hair Looks Fierce" produced by Fatal Art Syndicate with lyrics written by Cazwell, are just some of the many projects Amanda has created. Her "Time Tranny" Swatch watch, which to date is the fastest selling limited edition Swatch along with other merchandise using her likeness continue to be exceedingly popular. Amanda currently resides in New York City and is pursuing film and acting projects.

THIS FRIDAY DEC 28th AT COLISEUM FT LAUDERDALE

The famous Amanda Lepore grabs some MILK, a hot outfit and her hit records just 4 u this Friday.
don’t miss it!!!!

Tags: Comedy,Coliseum

i have both, and trust me
give up on PC’s

Tags: Comedy,iPhone/MAC

Tags: HIPOP,Comedy

Tags: Comedy,Fashion

Whitney Houstons New Commercial

Tags: Comedy,Music

All-Time Best of the....
WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES!

• All I Want From You (Is Away)
  Written by Bobby Harden (ASCAP)
• All My Exes Live In Texas
• All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
  Written by Gene Plott, Harold Powell & Roni Stoneman (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?  (courtesy of Michael)
  Double Parked Heart by Jim Pollock (BMI) (Could this be the same song?)
• An Old Flame Can't Hold A Candle To You
  Several songs in the databases called "Old Flame."
• Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus? (courtesy of Sylvester)
  by Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana, Peter & Louise Berryman (BMI)
  According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
  "Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
  Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
  I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"
• Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
• At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
  Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!
• Beauty is Only Skin Deep, but Ugly Goes Clean to the Bone (courtesy of Ken)
  I've found 2 songs titled "Beauty is Only Skin Deep" - one was recorded by The Temptations and The Miracles and won a BMI Songwriting Award for Eddie Holland & Norman Whitfield..
  The other was written by Francis Burke & Don Raye (ASCAP)
• Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears (courtesy of Jim)
  According to Lynn, this was recorded by Peter Drake.
• Bubba Shot The Jukebox
• Bubba's Inconvenience Store
  by Bett Butler (BMI)
• Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain (courtesy of Louis)
  Apparently heard in Liverpool, 30 years ago. Wasn't there anything better to listen to in Liverpool 30 years ago???
• Cow Cow Blues       Written by Charles "Cow Cow" Davenport (ACAP), and recorded by Bing Crosby, among others.
  Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...
• Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
  This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...
• Cow Cow Strut
  by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
• Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
• Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
  by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
• Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load! (courtesy of Garnet)
• Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
  by Loretta Lynn (BMI) (courtesy of Hamp)
• Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
• Don't Make Love To a Country Music Singer
  written by Robert Morrison & Dale WM Thomas (ASCAP)
• Don't Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes at Me (courtesy of Richard)
  Several songs called "Bloodshot Eyes" in the database.
• Don't Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
  Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
• Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
  Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
• Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
  Written by Paul Charles Craft
• Feelin' Single and Drinkin' Doubles
  Written by Donald Fagan & Johnnie Masters (BMI)
• Feelin' Single and Seein' Double (courtesy of Laurence)
  by Emmy Lou Harris (Elite Hotel album, says Laurence) - written by Wayne Kemp (BMI)
• Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
  Written by Rex Pearce (BMI) (courtesy of Rick)
• Get Off The Stove,Grandma, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
  by Colin Hartridge (SOCAN)
• Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
  by Bull Moose Jackson
• Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
  Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
• Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
  by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
  by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)
• Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
  Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
• Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (courtesy of Tom, who isn't sure it's a real song)
• He's got a Way with Women...and He's Just got Away with Mine (courtesy of Mick)
  A whopping 17 songs titled "He's Got a Way With Women" in the BMI database.
• Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
  Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
• Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
  by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)
• He Went To Sleep and The Hogs Ate Him (Now Claude's Gone Forever) (courtesy of Pam)
  Pam says - "don't know who wrote/recorded it. used to be on the jukebox at Lester's Cafe Howdy, Cleveland OH. (mercifully demolished back in the '80s)"
  BMI database says it's written by Nathaniel Nathan, Gene Redd & Ray Starr.
• High Cost of Low Living
  by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
• Hog Sloppin' Time in the Hollow (courtesy of Bob, who claims it's "A true love song")
  by Chuck Mayfield - Written by Antell & Tyler (BMI)
• Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
• How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me? (courtesy of Dan)
  How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him? (alternate title courtesy of Mike)
• How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
  Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP) (courtesy of Charles)
  But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
• How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
  According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
  This is confirmed by Esther, who remembers hearing the song as a little girl in the 1930s and 40s. Matti confirms it was written specifically for the film.
  Burton Lane & Alan Jay Lerner (ASCAP)
• How Come My Dog Don't Bark (When You Come Around)? (courtesy of Steve)
  by Dr. John
• How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
  by Mel Tillis (BMI)
• How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight? (courtesy of Mark, who's not sure it's a real song either)
• I-95 Asshole Song (courtesy of Stacy)
  written by Fred August Campbell (BMI)
• I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
  2 songs with this title in the BMI database (courtesy of Rick)
• I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
• I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
• I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
  a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs (courtesy of Bill)
• I Don't Do Floors
  by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
• I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
  by Thom Sharpe (courtesy of Gail, who tells me he wrote a number of comedy songs)
• I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
• I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart 
  Written by Jack Clement (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
• I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
• I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
• I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
  According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"
• I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
  Apparently written & performed by Buck Owens
• I Got Through Everything But The Door
• I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
  by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
• I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 
  Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
• I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
• I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y " (courtesy of Frank)
• I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
• I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
  There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database (courtesy of Jerry)
• I Spent My Last Ten Dollars on Birth Control and Beer (courtesy of Rennie )
  by 2 Nice Girls (on their self-titled 1989 album) - written by Clara Phillips (BMI)
• I Still Miss You Baby...  But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
• I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Dan)
• I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
• Wanna Be A Blue Light Special In The K Mart Of Your Heart (courtesy of Gene, who "heard it in a little bar in Covington, Kentucky... And yes, it was as bad as it sounds like it would be.)
  There are a surprising 11 songs titled "Blue Light Special" in the BMI database!
• I Wanna Whip Your Cow  (courtesy of Charles)
• I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
  According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como.
  If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category!
  On the other hand, according to Steve, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"
  which would move it right back into the "country" category.
  Finally, according to Beth, it was originally recorded by Red Sovine and Goldie Hill.
• I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
  by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
• I Went Out On A Limb and Fell Off the Family Tree (courtesy of Brad)
• I Wish I Were A Lesbian
  by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)
• I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)  (courtesy of Mick)
• I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
  According to Shalom, the actual title of this song is "I Couldn't Spell !!*@!" , by Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs (same guys who hit it big with Wooly Bully).
  It came out in 1968 on M-G-M #13972, and was their last Top 40 song.
• I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win  (courtesy of Charles)
• I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
• I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
• If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
  by Freddie Hart (BMI)
• If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
  Two songs with this title in the BMI database
• If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You  (courtesy of Charles)
• If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
  by Reuben Darnell
• If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
  by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks (courtesy of Peter)
• If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen (courtesy of Mike)
• If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
  Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes" (courtesy of Mick)
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
• If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You  (courtesy of Charles and Ray)
• If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)
• If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)
• If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train  (courtesy of Phil)
• If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
  by Joe Diffie (ASCAP) (courtesy of Jennifer)
• If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
  2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.
• If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
  by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP) (courtesy of Carol)
• If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
  3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database. (courtesy of Rick & Frank)
• If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
  Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)
• If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
  by Neal McCoy (BMI) (courtesy of Betsy)
• If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
  by Tommy Collins (BMI)
• If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
  Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI) (courtesy of Simon)
• If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
• If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.
• If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
  Three songs in the BMI database with this title. (courtesy of Charles)
• If You Leave Me I'm Gone
  by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)
• If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
• If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
  by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
• If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me! (courtesy of Peter)
• If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right (courtesy of Kathy)
  by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)
• If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Blair)
• If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
  Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.
• If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
  Written by Stuart Holdsworth, Jack Routh & Randy Sharp (BMI)
• I Like Bananas Because They Have No Bones
  by Hoosier Hot Shots, Written by Chris Yacich (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
• I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams
• I'm Drinkin Christmas Dinner (All Alone This Year) (courtesy of Stephen)
  by Mac Davis & Freddy Weller (BMI)
• I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
• I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
  From the album "Fear of Frying" by a Marin County (California) band called"Eggs Over Easy", around 1968 (courtesy of Mark)
  Unfornutately, according to Eric, "After years of searching, I have finally obtained a copy of the album "Fear of Frying" by the Marin County band "Eggs Over Easy". And, I must report, there is no song titled "I'm gonna put a bar in the back of my car and drive myself to drink" Nothing even remotely similar. Nor does this line, or anything similar to this line, appear in any song on the album. Still, it's a great title"
• I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
  Two songs with this title in the BMI database.
• I'm In Love With A Capital U (courtesy of Sara Kate)
  by Country Joe Diffie. Written by Nelson & Wiseman (BMI)
• I'm Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I'm Gonna be a Diamond Someday) (courtesy of Neo)
  written by Billy Joe Shaver (BMI) Recorded by Johnny Cash and John Anderson, among others.
• I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
  Believe it or not, 24 songs called "Cold Turkey" in the BMI database. Only 13 called "Wild Turkey" (courtesy of Mandy)
• I'm So Miserable Without You, it's Almost like Having you Here (courtesy of Mike, who isn't sure it's a real song)
  There are several songs called "I'm So Miserable Without You" in the BMI database.
  But Tina says it was written by Jimmy Folker and Korky May, from Oxford, PA.
• I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
  by Johnny Paycheck (BMI)
• I'm Under The Table Over You (courtesy of Buddy)
• Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You? (courtesy of Mark)
  The BMI database lists a song called "Is It Cold In Here" by Joe Diffie.
• It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
  by Tracy Lawrence (ASCAP)
• I've Been Carrying a Torch for You so Long that it's Burned a Great Big Hole in my Heart
  by Nino Temple and April Stevens. There are 2 songs called "Carrying a Torch" in the BMI database.
• I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
  Written by Jack Clement (BMI)
• I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
• I've Got a Cowboy In The Saddle, and Another One's Holding My Horse (courtesy of Laurena)
  We now have independent confirmation of this one from Tracy, who has a copy of the '45! (1981 Acclaim Records Canada)
  by Iris Larrat - written by M.R. Garlow & Neil Patton Rogers
• I've Got the Cob, If You've Got the Corn (courtesy of Marvin)
• I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
• I've Heard that Tear Stained Monologue You do There by the Door Before You Go
  by John Hartford (courtesy of Joel)
• It Ain't Easy Being Easy
  by Roseanne Cash (courtesy of Pamela)
• It Took a Helluva Man to Take my Anne, but it Sure Didn't Take Him Long (courtesy of Rick)
• It's Not the High Cost of Living, It's the Cost of Living High (courtesy of Buddy)
• I've Got Those Feed 'Em In The Morning, Change 'Em, Feed 'Em In the Evenin' Blues
  by Tennessee Ernie Ford (BMI) (The official title is "Feed 'Em In The Morning Blues")
• I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It'd Strain Our Love (courtesy of David)
• Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills
  by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You (courtesy of Michael)
  by the Austin Lounge Lizards
• Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
• Last Night I Went to Bed with a "10" and Woke this Morning with a "2"
  by Willie Nelson (courtesy of Janet)
• Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
  Written by Daniel Hogan, Gladys & Ronny Scaife (BMI)
• Legendary Chicken Fairy
  by Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial (courtesy of Dan)
  by Burt Reynolds (Smokey and the Bandit 2 soundtrack) written by Richard Levinson (BMI)
• Make Me Late For Work Today.
  Five songs with this title in the BMI database, including one by Paul Brandt.
• Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
  Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Baby's Head) (Conflicting submissions on this blues tune - anyone??)
  Get the Hammer Mama, There's a Head on Papa's Fly (Now that's the best one yet)
• Meet Me In the Gravel Pit, Honey, cuz I'm a Little Boulder There (courtesy of Maggie)
• Messed Up In Mexico, Living On Refried Dreams (courtesy of Jennifer, who said it was on heavy rotation on the radio in Montana)
• Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
• My Give-A-Damn Is Broken (courtesy of Randy)
  written by Ammons-Baker-Martindale-Whisenhunt (BMI)
• My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus. (courtesy of Paul)
  by Jimmy Buffett
• My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart  (courtesy of Charles)
• My Lips Want to Stay (But My Heart Wants to Go)
  by Hank Wangford
• My Phone Ain't been Ringing, so I Guess it Wasn't You
• My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
  Written by Phil Earhart (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
• Nashville Rash
  Written by Kenneth Dale Watson (BMI)
• Ned Nostril (and his South Seas Paradise, Put Your Blues on Ice, Cheap at Twice the Price Band, Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
  by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of Narkspud, who actually owns the album and confirms that it's even printed this way on the label)
• Nobody Wants to Play Rhythm Guitar Behind Jesus (courtesy of Russell)
  by the Oak Ridge Boys - written by T.A. Hill (There's a Terry Allan Hill in the ASCAP database, but no titles registered)
• No Way, Conway (I Ain't Gonna Twitty Tonight) (courtesy of Narkspud)
  Supposedly recorded by Teresa Brewer.
• Occasional Wife
  Written by Robert William Scott (ASCAP)
• Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You (courtesy of Charles)
  According to Jeff, this is by Rolf Harris. Haven't been able to confirm it.
• One Day When You Swing That Skillet (My Face Ain't Gonna Be There)
  by Richard (Dick) Hardwick - courtesy of Tom.
• Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't the Same (courtesy of Ned)
• Out of My Head and Back in My Bed (courtesy of Stacy)
  Stacy says this was recorded by Loretta Lynn. I've found 2 similar titles in the BMI Database:
  "Out of my Head and Back in my Bed" by Snuff Garrett
  "Out of my Head and Back in Bed" by Peggy Forman
• Overlonely and Underkissed
• Pardon Me, I've Been Pardoned
  Written by Michael Manuel (BMI)
• Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
  by Johnny Paycheck (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
• Phantom Of The Opry
  A whopping 7 entries in the BMI database for this one.
• Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
  by Patsy Cline (BMI)
• Pick Me Up Or Let Me Down
  by Hank Smith (SOCAN)
• Poultry Promenade
  by Diamond Rio (BMI)
• Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox When I Die (courtesy of Laura)
  by Joe Diffie - written by Blaylock-Perdew-Phillips (BMI)
• Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer Written by Dennis Linde
  Recorded by Sammy Kershaw, and Country Dance Kings
• Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
  by Hank Flamingo (BMI)
• Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
  by Johnny Russell (ASCAP)
• Refried Dreams
  by Tim McGraw (BMI)
• Run for the Roundhouse Nellie (He Can't Corner You There)
  by Zeke Masters and his Band, Written by Julian Kay & Zeke Manners (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Saddle Up the Stove Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight (courtesy of Garnet)
• She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw (courtesy of Katrina)
  by Rick Stanley.
• She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed Anytime
  by Johnny Duncan (courtesy of Bill)
• She Dropped me in Denver So I Had a Whole Mile to Fall (courtesy of William)
  by The Gatlin Brothers
• She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
  Five songs with this title in the BMI database.
• She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
  by Jerry Reed (courtesy of Charles)
• She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
• She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass (courtesy of Marc)
• She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
• She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night It Was Honor and Offer
  by Sligo Studio Band, written by Robert Bivens (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
  Written by Jim Collins & Paul Overstreet (BMI)
• She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
• She's Actin' Single..... I'm Drinkin' Doubles
  by Gary Stewart (BMI).
• She's Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
• Skillet Full of Crisco
  written by Null Cecil Allen (BMI)
• Slap 'Er Down Again Paw
  by Arthur Godfrey (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
  by Roy Clark (BMI)
• Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
  Written by Max Barnes, Frank Saulino & James Valentini (BMI)
• That "It's All Over" Feeling (All Over Again)
  by The Clarks - written by Stephen Clark & Rae Mac (ASCAP)
• The Alcohall of Fame
  by Wayne Kemp - from the album of the same name.
• The Bridge Washed Out and I Can't Swim and My Baby's On the Other Side
• The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
• The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
• The Old Home Fill 'er Up and Keep On Truckin' Cafe"
  by C. W. McCall (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• The Pint Of No Return.
• There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
• There's A Tear In My Beer
  by Hank Williams
• They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
  They Can Lock Me Up for Lovin' You, but They Can't Keep My Face from Breakin' Out (variation courtesy of Peter)
• This Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad
  by Tammy Wynette(courtesy of Bill)
• This White Circle on My Finger Means We're Through
  by Kitty Wells (courtesy of Bill)
• Tight Fittin' Jeans
  Two songs in the BMI database with this title.
• Timber... I'm Fallin In Love (courtesy of Kathy)
  by Patty Loveless. Written by "Kostas" (BMI)
• Trainwreck Of Emotion
  Written by Allen Kohnhurst & Jonathan Vezner (ASCAP)
• Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
  by Jerry Jeff Walker "Great Gonzos" (courtesy of Ed) Also recorded by Willie Nelson, written by Ray Hubbard (ASCAP)
• Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
  Did find a song in the BMI database called "Velcro Heart"
• Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
  by Buck Owens (BMI)
• Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
  Four songs in the BMI database called "Walk Out Backwards"
• Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
  by Stallins & Crowe (BMI)
• Warm Beer Cold Women
  by Tom Waits (ASCAP) Wouldn't call Tom Waits country, though....
• We Feed Our Babies Onions So We Can Find 'Em In The Dark (courtesy of Stephen)
• We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It's All Over Now (courtesy of Cheryl)
• Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me
  Two songs in the BMI database called "Welcome to Dumpsville" (courtesy of Jim)
• What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me
• When the Lightning Struck the Coon Creek Party Line
  by Hoosier Hot Shots (courtesy of "Narkspud")
• When You Wrapped My Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye (from Sally in Sacramento)
• Which Way Do I Go (Now That I'm Gone) ?
  by Waylon Jennings - written by Stephen Clark & Rae Mac (ASCAP)
• Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?
  by Buck Owens (BMI)
• Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
• Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time? (courtesy of Steve)
• Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
  by Shania Twain & Mutt Lange (ASCAP)
• Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For? 
  by Crystal Gayle, also recorded by Ronnie Milsap (courtesy of the Johnson family)
• Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw
  by Jimmy Buffett "All the Great Hits" (courtesy of Karen, James & Ed)
• Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
  by Ray Stevens, Written by Chet Atkins & Margaret Archer (BMI)
• Yard Sale (12 exciting songs share this title in the BMI database)
• You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'
  by Toby Keith (BMI) (courtesy of Chili)
• You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
  by Loretta Lynn (courtesy of Bill)
• You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog ('s Leavins') (courtesy of Jim)
• You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can't Keep My Face from Breaking Out
  by Randy Scruggs (courtesy of Dave )
• You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
• You Can't Haul a U-Haul Into Heaven
  written by Clark-Mac-Northrup (ASCAP)
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
  by Roger Miller (BMI)
• You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
  Apparently by a British spoof country singer, "Hank Wangford." Courtesy of Jan from Essex.
• You Done Blacked My Blue Eyes Once Too Often (courtesy of Dave)
• You Done Changed my Lifestyle
  by Earl Hines (BMI)
• You Done Me Wrong, But at Least You Done Me! (courtesy of Aaron )
  Several songs titled "You Done Me Wrong" appear in the databases.
• You Done My Brain In
  by Neil James Innes (BMI)
• You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat)
  According to multiple emails, this was written by Mason Williams (yes, the "Classical Gas" guy) and recorded by various artists including John Denver.
  "You done stomped on my heart and mashed that sucker flat, you just sorta, stomped on my aorta.
  You started going out with guys, I felt us drift apart, and every step you took, was a stomp right on my heart."
• You Done The Wrong Woman Wrong
  written by Connie Rae Harrington (ASCAP)
• You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
• You'd think my Bed was a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go (several submissions)
• Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
• You're Not Free & I'm Not Easy
  written by Herb Coleman & Robert Morrison (ASCAP)
• You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off
  by Hoyt Axton, Written by Woody Bowles (BMI)(courtesy of Eli)
• You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
  by Gail Davies (BMI) (courtesy of Susan)
• You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
  Could this be "My Bad Reputation" by Woody Guthrie?
• You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
• You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles, with more info from Ray))
  By Lola Jean Dillon & L.E. White (BMI) Apparently also recorded by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty
• You're The Ring Around My Bathtub, You're The Hangnail Of My Life
• You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?
  by The Louvin Brothers (courtesy of Art)
• You've Got Sawdust On The Floor Of Your Heart
  by Sneezy Waters (courtesy of Paul)
• 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper
• 800 Pound Jesus
  by Sawyer Brown. Written by Billy Maddox & Paul Thorn (BMI)

 
And all-time fave:

• Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
  Coincidentally, also the title of a 1993 book by Playboy magazine columnist Cynthia Heimel.

There are some novelty songs that deserve to be listed just because their titles sound so authentic:
If I'd a Knowed that You'd a Wanted to of Went with Me, I'd a Seed that You'd a Got to Get to Go From Martin Mull's "Fernwood 2Night" TV show, sung by "Elwood P. Suggins" (courtesy of James)
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty (courtesy of Charles) A novelty song from the 1940s by Larry Vincent (ASCAP)
I'd Like You a Whole Lot Better if We Slept Together (courtesy of Dan) We're pretty sure this is actually "I might like you better if we slept together," which is a line from the 1981 song "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void, a New Wave band - pretty much the least country-like song on the list! (You can listen to a RealAudio file on their website and hear for yourself.)
Then there's Tom Scott, who came up with an appropriate original title for me: "I Made Up The Title, You Make Up The Song"
Scott Orr went an extra step and actually wrote an original song: "I Kissed Her On the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You"
And my next favourite original title, from Laura: "Go Back To Texas and Cheesey French Fry Lake"
 
You can find another great list at www.coloradobluegrass.org/jokes.htm - there's some overlap, but Sandy has a lot of unique titles too!

Tags: Music,Comedy

Earn ya man, learn ya man

Tags: Comedy,Health,Politics

Someone did this for me...one day ill recut it properly..but funny to watch

Tags: Comedy,Pop